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You look at the stretch of sky through which the sun and planets appear to travel, note which sky critters they appear to be near, and try to find meaning in those juxtapositions. Obviously, the particular critter in that part of the sky must have some symbolic meaning, right?

Sometimes it’s good to nurture your inner weirdo.

If the sun was among a certain collection of stars which you imagine to be, say, a crab at the time of your birth, you must have crab-like traits, right? So obviously you are the type of person who hides away in a shell, yada yada yada. Gemini, the twins? Right, split personality.

This is a version of sympathetic magic, a belief that traits apparent in one object can be magically transferred to another, or to you.


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It's like believing that eating a whale's gigantic dick will cure your impotence. Unfortunately, science has proven that this sort of belief will only result in being asked to plug in the vibrator on your way out of the room. Not only that, it will taste like whale dick. Astrologers continue to fail to account for precession of the equinoxes, a "wobble" in the earth's rotation that affects the apparent position of the sun relative to the stars.

The sun appears in a different part of the sky for any given date than it did when astrologers first laid out the zodiac and determined the "signs" still in use today. So, for example, if you were born on July 4, your sign is "Cancer," despite the fact that the sun is in the constellation of Gemini on that date.


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This means that when you check your horoscope, not only are you reading a horseshit prediction, you're reading the wrong horseshit prediction. Your Name. Your E-mail. Please type the following code. Don't make me do this again.

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Toggle navigation. Horoscopes Articles. Images Photoplasty Pictofacts. You have thirty seconds to live. One Other Little Problem Astrologers continue to fail to account for precession of the equinoxes, a "wobble" in the earth's rotation that affects the apparent position of the sun relative to the stars.

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